Sad. I believe I am running out of tears to shed. But the sadness is still there.
Many mortals seemed to have come and go in Loki’s life, he has grown used to it. Those he spoke to some time ago he does not speak to now, or not nearly as much as he’d like. Quinnie is one Loki met some time ago at Cheryl’s house though they never quite hit it off as friends as Loki was often isolated and preferred to focus on his time with his lover. Though that does not mean that Loki never really knew Quinnie. He did talk to her a few times in Cheryl’s house and then a long period of time passed since Loki visited Cheryl’s and the frequent visitors of her home. It wouldn’t be too ill to believe Loki did not take the mortal into consideration as their bond was rather weak. It was some time later he re-encountered Quinnie, the mortal came to him seeking someone to confide in and Loki, the kind-hearted soul he is, chose to listen to her. He learned of Quinnie’s dilemma with another alternate self, and though Loki knew alternate selves were not related and could be vastly different, he felt shame for what had been done to Quinnie almost as though he himself had done it. Though at the same time, he felt a sense of relief that she could at least differentiate alternate selves and know that the actions of one are not the actions of all Lokis, and not just that but feel comfortable enough to confide in one after what happened to herself. He did feel a certain respect toward Quinnie for he himself could not quite separate his alternate selves as easily, he could not write off others for the actions of a few as easily as Quinnie seemed to be able to. Things had happened in his own life where he feared seeing their face for a time, even those he could tell had no intention to harm him. Though he did not see Quinnie again for a while after she sought to confide in him, she left a certain impression on him that hadn’t been left before. Quinnie occasionally surfaced in his thoughts, he wondered how she fared, though he was too engrossed in the issues of his own life to find out. He met Quinnie again along with her son, Josh, a son of an alternate self. Loki had mixed feelings toward seeing the child, though of course was supportive of both mother and child. He began to occasionally encounter Quinnie and her rapidly growing son sporadically from then on and each time, Quinnie was kind and Josh was sweet as well. Loki considered Quinnie a friend and though there is much Loki does not discuss with her, there is still more he shares with Quinnie than he does with typical acquaintances He also feels she is one he can trust if ever he in a state of vulnerability, trust that is not arrived to lightly.
Something must happen for me to think this way? Yes, alright. Something did happen. Life happened… a diminished life. Deteriorated, stripped of former glories and joys. As I said, I tire of this life and change is needed. Do you know how I suffer? No, of course not. I speak nothing of it. That does not mean I do not. Did you know I have wanted death for many years now? Probably not for, again, I speak nothing of it. One can call me a silent sufferer, perhaps the worst kind. Well, frankly, I tire of suffering. I want to destroy.
Quite simply, I tire of the pathetic semblance of a life I live. There is need for change, so change there shall be. I have decided not to give a damn about anything, especially the consequences. The best part about it… if someone has some manner of issue with it, well… ‘tis merely unfortunate for they.
Perhaps it is in your best interest to avoid him. After all… he kidnapped you and… you know what else. If I were you, I would keep away from him. I would not speak to him. And certainly keep Josh away from him. I do not believe he has a right to see the child. But that is simply my own opinion. In the end, ‘tis your own decision you must make.
Are you all right? Do you need any help?
I am not certain how to respond to that, precisely. I suppose one could say I have had better days, though all the same I have certainly had worse. Just this particular day was, for the most part, dull. I did get to see my lover and brother later in the day and that made me feel a bit better. Though the weight of events that occurred previous days has stifled much of my mood for anything positive, most unfortunately.
liefullyloki 